Speak the TRUTH

To view this page ensure that Adobe Flash Player version 9.0.124 or greater is installed.

Please login or register to make a comment!

REAL MEN RESPECT R E S P E C T A S K Speak the TRUTH Myth (mith) A fiction or half-truth, esp. one that forms part of the ideology of a society. Myths vs.

Facts Sexual assault is a rare occurrence. Sexual assault doesn 9t happen around here. Sexual assault only happens in urban areas.

The reality is that sexual assault occurs in both rural and urban areas. Victims often choose not to report the assault for a variety of reasons, including fear of being blamed or not believed, fear of retaliation, shame about the nature of the crime or pressure from family or friends. Victims in rural areas may report at even lower rates because of confidentiality concerns due to living in a smaller, close-knit community.

Rapists are typically strangers. Rapists are frequently deranged or mentally ill. The idea that sexually violent people are crazy strangers wearing ski-masks hiding in dark alleys is seductive because it allows us to feel safe as long as we lock our doors and stick to well-lit areas.

The reality is the vast majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by individuals known to their victims. They may be friends-of- friends, neighbors, dates, cousins, spouses, parents, teachers, coaches, ... more. less.

therapists, or anyone else the victim knows. Because of the relationship that exists prior to the assault, victims are typically more trusting and do not chave their guard up. d cYou can be arrested for sexual assault. There 9s no pride in that. But there is pride in letting her make up her own mind. And respecting her decision. Respect her decision. Now that 9s something to be proud of. d THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) TruTHs Prepared by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. 2003. www.wcasa.org R E S P E C T Once aroused, men can 9t control their behavior. It is insulting to men to claim that they are helpless to control their actions; the implication of this thinking is that every male, given the right situation, could and would commit sexual assault. While it is true that the majority of assaults are committed by males, it is not true that the majority of males are sexually violent. Victims bring it on themselves by the way they act or dress. Sometimes forced sex is justified. Some people deserve to be raped. These beliefs build on the idea that men cannot control themselves and put the blame with the victim. It is believed that if only the victim had yelled or run away or hadn 9t been drinking, or an inmate, or wearing a revealing outfit, or a lesbian, or a prostitute, or gone to his room, or accepted the offer for a ride home, or gone out after dark, or flirted with him, etc., then this never would have happened. The victim is attributed with the power to make others commit crimes. The perpetrator is, again, not held accountable for his or her actions, and is almost considered a cvictim of circumstance. d Another consequence of this belief is that women lose their freedom. They are not granted the right to behave in certain ways or to express their individuality; and if they insist on behaving in those ways, then they somehow deserve to be punished and shown their place. The reality is that perpetrators assault because they feel they can , not because they are so impassioned that they can 9t help but sexually assault. Sexual assault is not a crime of spontaneous passion; it is a crime of power. Attractiveness is not a risk factor for being assaulted, but being vulnerable or having less social power is. cSo you pushed her to have sex. You played her. You pressured her. You even forced a little. Does that make you feel like a man? 8Cuz you don 9t look like one to us. d THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) Prepared by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. 2003. www.wcasa.org A S K cIf she doesn 9t want it, Stop. There 9s no excuse not to. And if you 9re not sure what she wants...ask. Because real men don 9t force. d False allegations of sexual assault are common. The percentage of false allegations is no higher than for other types of violent crimes, yet the idea persists that people commonly make up stories of sexual assault for petty revenge or personal gain. The reality is that, given the invasiveness, length and difficulty of both the forensic rape exam and a criminal trial, it is a process that very few victims choose to go through, and even fewer people elect to endure it for frivolous claims. A man can 9t sexually assault his wife. Sexual assault can 9t occur between two people who have had sex before. Sometimes a person cowes d sex to another person. The common element in each of these is that a person is perceived as having the right to override the personal sovereignty of another and force them to submit to sexual contact 4essentially condoning sexual slavery. Each person has the right to decide if, when, with whom, and to what extent he or she wishes to be sexual. If each party involved in sexual activity does not have that autonomy to freely choose whether or not to participate in the activity, then it is not only abusive but illegal, regardless of whether the individuals are married, partnered, have had sex previously, have been dating a long time, or if one has spent a lot of money on the other. Women can 9t commit sexual assault. Sexual assault doesn 9t happen within lesbian relationships. Sexual assault doesn 9t happen within gay relationships. We tend to define sexual violence as something done to women by men. As we 9ve established however, sexual violence is less a factor of gender than it is of perceived or real power differences. THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) THE FACT :) THE MYTH :( THE MYTH :( THE FACT :) Prepared by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. 2003. www.wcasa.org R E S P E C T If the victim of a female perpetrator is male, there is considerable societal pressure on him to frame the contact as consensual. Boys are csupposed to d want as much sex as possible starting as young as possible; so if a male did not want the sexual contact with a female, his sexuality and virility may be called into question. It is also expected that strong, creal d men are invulnerable to victimization of any kind. For a male to admit to having been sexually assaulted may seem to him like an admission of weakness. Lesbian and gay relationships, like heterosexual relationships, are not invulnerable to interpersonal violence, including sexual violence. The perpetrator in these relationships may wield the power to cout d their victim or they may use the victim 9s own internalized oppression to make her/him feel that they cdeserve d to be abused. Sexual assault is commonly misunderstood to be a crime of passion, where men, who are presumed to be biologically unable to control their own sexuality, are provoked into lust by women wearing skimpy clothing and behaving in a sexy manner. But if you examine the situations in which sexual abuse occurs, there is always a perceived or real power differential. The perpetrator feels entitled to take advantage of another person and believes that he or she can get away with the crime either because the victim will be afraid to tell, or because s/he is unlikely to be believed if s/he does tell. Each of the misperceptions we have examined serves to protect perpetrators, blame victims, and make all of us more vulnerable. THE WILL S ET YOU FREE JUST THE F ACTS cHey girls! We know what 9s hot. When a guy respects a girl enough to ask, and doesn 9t just try to make a move on us. We don 9t want to be persuaded to have sex. We can make up our own minds. And when we say no, we mean no. d Prepared by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. 2003. www.wcasa.org

less