© Strategic Services. All rights reserved Published by: http://strategic-services-aust.com This is a FREE ebook. You may freely share it with others.
The only restrictions are: 1) you may not alter the ebook or its contents in any way 2) you may not use the ebook for commercial purposes (in other words, you may give it away as a bonus product, but not charge anything for it) Introduction Hello and w elcom e to m y little collection of Cat 9s Tails, feline quotes, furry stories and fuzzy w isdom s. I hope that you are inspired to give your furry children an extra cuddle, and share this little book with other cat lovers. Needless to say, my own little menagerie of two cats & a dog provides me with many hours of laughter as well as affection.
Did you collect your sweet Cats Calendar yet? Download it here: http://personal-enterprise-self-help-resources.com/support-files/cats-2007-calendar.pdf I also have published a new little humorous cat book c Hank 9s Stories d, so I hope you will also download your own copy of that book too: http://personal-enterprise-self-help-resources.com/support-files/cat-stories-hank.pdf While I 9m here I would also like to tell you about c Cat Tails d which is a free, weekly ezine produced ... more. less.
by Annette Fincher with a cat quote and story or two, plus changing content drawing from interesting facts about cats, tips on a variety of kitty-related topics, cute pictures, and information about cat behavior, problem- solving, and health needs, intertwined with humor to make you smile--and purr . See past issues & subscribe here: http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/CatTails/ All that 9s left to say now is 3 ENJOY!<br><br> * * * Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much * * * Helene Malmsio http://free-self-help.com http://www.myspace.com/helene58 EBOOK GRAPHICS: If you love the pictures in this book you can get your own collection of them here : http://www.pccrafter.com Contents: 1. Cat Quotes 2. Cat 9s Paradise 3.<br><br> How to Give a Cat a Pill 4. The Cat 9s New Toy 5. Excerpts from cA Cat 9s Guide to Human Beings d 6.<br><br> The Pastor & the Cat 7. The Cat Practice 8. Stray Cats 9.<br><br> Where do Pets come from? 10. Dear Beloved Pets 11.<br><br> Wrapping Presents (With a Cat) 12. Twelve Days of Kitty Christmas 13. Cat Treat Recipes 14.<br><br> Cat Care tips 15. Cat Training hints 16. Cat Health guide 17.<br><br> Rules for Non-pet owner Friends 18. Interesting websites to surf "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." Cat Quotes " There is no snooze button on a cat w ho w ants breakfast." -- Unknow n " Thousands of years ago, cats w ere w orshipped as gods.<br><br> Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonym ous " Cats are sm arter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow ." --Jeff Valdez " As every cat ow ner know s, nobody ow ns a cat." --Ellen Perry Berkeley " Dogs com e w hen they're called; cats take a m essage and get back to you later." --Mary Bly " Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good m any ailm ents, but I never heard of one w ho suffered from insom nia." --Joseph Wood Krutch " People w ho hate cats, w ill com e back as m ice in their next life." --Faith Resnick " There are m any intelligent species in the universe. They are all ow ned by cats." --Anonym ous " I have studied m any philosophers and m any cats.<br><br> The w isdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine CAT'S PARADISE: A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors.<br><br> I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.<br><br> The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again." God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.<br><br> He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing?<br><br> Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little cMeals on Wheels d you have been sending over are delicious!" How to Give a Cat a Pill 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.<br><br> Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop the pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow &&&..<br><br> 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the couch. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.<br><br> 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.<br><br> 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.<br><br> Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.<br><br> 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.<br><br> 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.<br><br> Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill.<br><br> Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.<br><br> Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer.<br><br> Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.<br><br> Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.<br><br> 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.<br><br> 13) Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it.<br><br> Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye.<br><br> Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs or white fluffy rabbits. Cat 9s New Toy Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.<br><br> No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.<br><br> By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.<br><br> Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.<br><br> Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" But I 'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.<br><br> Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. I t is the last action I rem ember perform ing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.<br><br> No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink.<br><br> And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.<br><br> Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.<br><br> The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.<br><br> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter ......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury.<br><br> I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this?<br><br> Excerpt from " A Cat's Guide to Hum an Beings" 1. I ntroduction: Why Do We Need Hum ans? So you've decided to get yourself a human being.<br><br> In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway?<br><br> Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.<br><br> True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train. 2. How And When to Get Your Hum an's Attention Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping.<br><br> Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice.<br><br> Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want: Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away.<br><br> Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children. Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning.<br><br> If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious. 3.<br><br> Punishing Your Hum an Being Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU.<br><br> Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives: · Use the cat box during an important formal dinner. · Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude. · Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.<br><br> · After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling. · While your human is sleeping, lie on its face. 4.<br><br> Rew arding Your Hum an: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive? The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented.<br><br> After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it. 5.<br><br> How Long Should You Keep Your Hum an? You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you.<br><br> We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all.<br><br> Opposable thumbs will only take you so far. The Pastor and the Cat He had a stray kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.<br><br> The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.<br><br> But as he moved a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The pastor felt terrible.<br><br> He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.<br><br> So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.<br><br> Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat&.. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes& A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her." ~ Dwight Nelson (According to www.mountainwings.com, this is a true story about the pastor of Mr.<br><br> Nelson's church) The Cat Practice I think I have a medical career ahead of me. Don't laugh! Cats have practiced medicine long before humans.<br><br> Many of today's modern medical terms were based on original terminology from the very first Cat Medical Dictionary. Acute: What I am . .<br><br> . Acute Cat. Enema: The black cat next door .<br><br> . . He's not my friend, he's my enema.<br><br> Biofeedback: Coughing up two hairballs in one night. Biohazard: Stepping in both aforementioned hairballs. Cat Scan: Do I really have to explain that one?<br><br> Electroshock Therapy: Accidentally walking on the electric stove while it is on. Fibrillated: Telling a small lie. Fuzzy Logic: Trying to figure out cat medical terms.<br><br> Hemad: Mood of the Big Owner when I drop a hairball on the carpet. In fact, he's always mad. Histamine: A mean hiss.<br><br> Mucus: A feline swear word. Perspire: Purring so hard you drool from the mouth. False Positive: Pouring fresh litter over the old to make it appear new.<br><br> Void: Area between where you are and where the litter box is when nature calls. White Cell: The bathroom--Where humans sometimes lock you up. Work-Up: The long minutes preparing to free a hairball.<br><br> - Chance ~ © Copyright Mark Mason (the "Big Owner") http://www.catdairy.com/ "CAT DIARY . . .<br><br> Excerpts From My Cat's Diary" STRAY CATS Stray cats will not be fed. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with milk. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.<br><br> · Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily. · Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name. · Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.<br><br> · Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture. · Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal rope scratching post with three perches. · Stray cats will sleep outside.<br><br> · Stray cats will sleep in the garage. · Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed. · Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.<br><br> · Stray cats will not play on the desk. · Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer. · Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.<br><br> · Stray cats will not QAWSDFXCRFTGHBJUIM,L.;// · · . . Sorry&..<br><br> COK (Cat on Keyboard 3 in forum speak language) WHERE DO PETS COME FROM? A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to " Where do pets com e from ?" Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore.<br><br> We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.<br><br> And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his tail.<br><br> And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal. And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.<br><br> And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.<br><br> After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, "No problem!<br><br> I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them.<br><br> And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.<br><br> And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a darn one w ay or the other& & Dear Beloved Pets: The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt.<br><br> I cannot stress this enough! The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.<br><br> Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairs were not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.<br><br> Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this.<br><br> Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.<br><br> I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but a scam. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.<br><br> I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. Wrapping Presents (With a Cat) I sw ear this is w hat it's like in m y house....<br><br> if it involves PAPER of any kind... the fur-balls com e out to play! 1.<br><br> Clear large space on table for wrapping present. 2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.<br><br> 3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe. 4.<br><br> Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper. 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.<br><br> 6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. 7.<br><br> Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed. 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.<br><br> 9. Remove present from bag. 10.<br><br> Remove cat from bag. 11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.<br><br> 12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. 13.<br><br> Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight. 14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.<br><br> 15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of. 16.<br><br> Place present on cut-to-size paper. 17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper.<br><br> Remove cat and retry. 18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.<br><br> 19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors. 20.<br><br> Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. 21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.<br><br> 22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn. 23.<br><br> Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end. 24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.<br><br> 25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.<br><br> 26. Put present in box, and tie down with string. 27.<br><br> Remove string, open box and remove cat. 28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.<br><br> 29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials. 30.<br><br> Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock. 31. Lay out last sheet of paper.<br><br> (Admittedly, this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!) 32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.<br><br> 33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job. 34.<br><br> Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat. 35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.<br><br> 36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat. 37.<br><br> Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked. 38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.<br><br> 39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you. MY SOLUTION: buy the festive carry bags & just pop the gifts inside!!!<br><br> Tw elve Days of Kitty Christm as On the FI RST day of Christm as, m y kitten ruined for m e . . .<br><br> A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro- second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough.<br><br> Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter . .<br><br> . . Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.<br><br> On the SECOND day of Christm as, m y kitten accom panied m e . . .<br><br> On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't.<br><br> Damages: $28.00 for the office visit, $36.00 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55.00 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers. On the THI RD day of Christm as, m y kitten w recked for m e . .<br><br> . 13 ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches.<br><br> My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Sara feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know she was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value of broken bulbs?<br><br> $7.50 plus tax. On the FOURTH day of Christm as, m y kitten broke for m e . .<br><br> . A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head?<br><br> Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99. On the FI FTH day of Christm as, m y kitten scratched for m e . .<br><br> . The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident.<br><br> She merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used an unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood-stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice.<br><br> Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!<br><br> On the SI XTH day of Christm as, m y kitten opened for m e . . .<br><br> The presents beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Sara's stocking.<br><br> Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Christmas wrapping paper; $4.50 for two empty boxes; $1.00 each for the kind of bows Sara can't unravel On the SEVENTH day of Christm as, m y kitten lost for m e . .<br><br> . The earrings I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift.<br><br> Sale price: $29.95 plus tax. On the EI GHTH day of Christm as, m y kitten helped m e . .<br><br> . Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the center of my Yamaha guitar?<br><br> Neither could I, but Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way it came in.<br><br> After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades, I would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: $0.79. On the NI NTH day of Christm as, m y kitten destroyed for m e .<br><br> . . My Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key.<br><br> Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H. On the TENTH day of Christm as, m y kitten hid from m e .<br><br> . . The remote control from my 13-inch TV.<br><br> This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas specials, including my all- time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2.00; purchase of book, "Good owners, great cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.<br><br> On the ELEVENTH day of Christm as, m y kitten ate for m e . . .<br><br> The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK, OK, So this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Sara.<br><br> Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Christmas Dinner. On the TWELFTH day of Christm as . .<br><br> . Sara rested. And so, thank goodness, did my VISA card.<br><br> ~ Jenny Allcock Cat Treat Recipes I haven 9t tried these recipes yet, but I thought if you w ere feeling adventurous enough, you m ight like to prepare a hom em ade treat for your kitties& CAT COOKI ES 1 cup whole wheat flour 1 tsp catnip 1/3 cup milk 1/3 cup powdered milk 2 tbl butter or vegetable oil 1/4 cup Soy flour 1 egg 2 tbl Wheat germ 1 tbl Unsulfured molasses Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix dry ingredients together. Add molasses, egg, oil and milk.<br><br> Roll out flat onto oiled cookie sheet and cut into small, cat bite-sized pieces. Bake for 20 minutes and let cool. Store the cookies in a sealed container.<br><br> CAT CRACKERS 6 ounces of undrained tuna 1 cup cornmeal 1 cup flour 1/3 cup water Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Measure all of the ingredients into a bowl and mix thoroughly with your hands. Roll out to 1/4 inch thickness and cut into treat sized pieces.<br><br> Place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden. Let cool.<br><br> Give to your cat and watch them gobble it up. KI TTY CATNI P COOKI ES 1 cup whole-wheat flour 2 tablespoons wheat germ 1/4 cup soy flour 1/3 cup confectioners' milk 1 tablespoon kelp 1/2 teaspoon bonemeal 1 teaspoon crushed dried catnip leaves 1 tablespoon unsulfured molasses 1 egg 2 tablespoons oil, butter or fat 1/3 cup milk or water Mix the dry ingredients together. Add the molasses, egg, oil, butter or fat and milk or water.<br><br> Roll out flat on an oiled cookie sheet and cut into narrow strips or ribbons. Bake at 350°F for 20 minutes or until lightly toasted. Break into pea-size pieces, suitable for cats.<br><br> Good for treats, exercising gums and cleaning teeth, but too low in protein to use for regular fare. KI TTY COOKI ES 1 cup whole wheat flour 1/4 cup soy flour 1 teaspoon catnip 1 egg 1/3 cup milk 2 tablespoons wheat germ 1/3 cup powdered milk 1 tablespoon unsulfured molasses 2 tablespoons butter or vegetable oil Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix dry ingredients together.<br><br> Add molasses, egg, oil and milk. Roll out flat onto oiled cookie sheet and cut into small, cat bite-sized pieces. Bake for 20 minutes.<br><br> Let cool and store in tightly sealed container. KI TTY KI SSES 1 Can (or bag) of cat food Ziploc bag with the corner cut cat nip (optional) Put cat food and optional cat nip in A blender or food processor and mix until it looks to be like frosting. Put the mixture into the Ziploc bag and squeeze little droppings, or "kisses" onto a cookie sheet and bake in 300 degrees F.<br><br> Time depends on how big the kisses are. Small are about 15 minutes. PRECI OUS KI TTY TREATS 1 12-oz can salmon with liquid 1 egg 1/2 cup flour 1/2 cup instant oatmeal, ground in a blender Combine the salmon and egg in a blender; mix until smooth.<br><br> Add the oatmeal and blend well. Spray cooking spray on a 9-by-13inch pan and spread the mixture in the pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes.<br><br> Cool, then cut into bite-sized squares. Store in the freezer. Makes about 24 treats.<br><br> Hom e Rem edies for Fleas : FLEA REPELLENT SLEEP PI LLOWS 2 parts sage or rosemary 1 part catnip 1 part chamomile Herbs may be used cut or whole. Mix enough to stuff a 2- foot square pillow for a cat or a 3-foot square (or larger) pillow for a dog. Sew the pillowcase out of a tough, washable fabric such as denim.<br><br> HERBAL FLEA POWDER 1 part eucalyptus powder 1 part pennyroyal powder (use sage or rosemary for cats) 1 part fennel powder 1 part yellow dock powder Combine all ingredients in a shaker top jar and shake to mix. Apply to your pet's fur by brushing backward with your hand or comb and sprinkling the powder into the roots of the hairs. Concentrate on the neck, back, and belly.<br><br> Use just enough to add a little odor to the hairs. For severe flea infestations, treat daily; otherwise, use two or three times a week. " Taking Care of Your Cat d A healthy animal makes for a happy pet.<br><br> If you are a cat owner and you want to make your pet happy, you need t make sure that our cat is groomed properly, fed on time and is given enough love and attention. Here are some tips on how you can have a healthy and happy cat: 1. Take care of your cat's health.<br><br> As a pet owner, it is your responsibility to make sure that your cat is healthy and free from diseases that may even be transmitted to humans. Visit the veterinarian if you notice that your cat has become lethargic or less active than usual. If you see them 'shedding' excessively or has something unusual on their coat, immediately consult a professional.<br><br> Your cat might have a skin disease, or this could be a symptom of a sickness that you do not know about. 2. Groom your cat properly.<br><br> Cats are in the habit of grooming themselves. You will often see them using their tongue to clean their coat. In spite of this, you should still do your part in grooming your cat if you want to keep them really clean.<br><br> Brush your cat's fur regularly. There are several short-haired cats that need minimal brushing. For this, you can use a comb with soft bristles.<br><br> There are also cat breeds which have long, silky furs and this variety needs a much longer grooming time. Use a wide-toothed comb initially then brush up with a fine toothed one afterwards. You can also use talcum powder in order to separate the hair strands.<br><br> Make sure that you brush with gentle strokes so that their skin will not be hurt or scratched. Cats are also not that fond of taking a bath. But there are times when your cat would need bathing.<br><br> This is when they have accumulated a lot of dirt on the skin and coat. Bathing will help eliminate ticks and lice. Also, there might be substances that could cling on the fur which can be poisonous and it is important for them to bathe.<br><br> When bathing your pet, use a shampoo that is specially made for cats. Prepare the following before bathing: -a small tub or sink -slip-proof mat -water spray attachment -clean, dry towels -shampoo -comb Adjust the water temperature, then place your cat in the small tub or sink before filling it up with water. It is better to attach a sprayer in the faucet rather than pouring water directly onto its body.<br><br> Apply a liberal amount of shampoo on the cat's body, and try to avoid the face, especially the eyes and ears. After rinsing, towel them dry and comb the coat. Bathing time should build trust and create some quality time between you and your pet cat.<br><br> This should prevent your cat from making much of a fuss the next time it needs a bath. Another part of grooming is keeping the eyes, teeth and ears clean. Also remember to keep the paws clean and the nails trimmed.<br><br> Go to a pet store and you are sure to find products specially made to clean these parts. You can also look for a nail trimmer specifically designed to use on your pet cat. Ask a professional groomer or a veterinarian so that you can learn how to properly clean your cat's eyes, ears, teeth and nails.<br><br> 3. Feed them on tim e. Another aspect of keeping your cat happy and healthy is by feeding them well and on time.<br><br> Your feline friends can learn how to "stick" to a schedule with your guidance and training. Make time in your busy day to feed them. You can learn which variety of cat food they prefer by serving different brands and variants.<br><br> Along with cat food, you should give them plenty of clean water to drink. If you have a lot of pet cats, give them individual feeding plates. If there is just one dish, other cats might not be fed well because dominant felines will take the most part of the food that you serve.<br><br> 3. Show er them w ith love and attention. By giving your cats your undivided attention while grooming and feeding them, you are already showering them with love and attention.<br><br> In addition to this, make their play time a lot more fun by appreciating the things that they do. By following these tips, you are sure to have a healthy cat and be a contented owner. A Guide to Safe 3v- Toxic " Table Scraps" for Cats Let's face it: some cats are inveterate "bums" and will beg and plead most appealingly while you try to eat.<br><br> While I will (rarely) give a cat a tidbit of chicken or turkey from my plate, it's a practice I don't encourage as a regular habit for a few reasons. First, because cats need the nutrients specifically provided for them in good, premium cat foods, and any "extras" that they consume will take away their appetites for their regular meals. A sliver of turkey or chicken from your dinner plate certainly won't kill a cat, but you're helping him develop bad habits.<br><br> What happens when Aunt Phoebe comes for dinner and Simon jumps on her lap to scarf up her meal? However, the main reason I'd discourage feeding cats "people food" is that there are a number of foods that are toxic to cats. You may have forgotten that the gravy slathered over your Thanksgiving turkey used broth that was flavored with onion, among other things.<br><br> While it is tasty and harmless to humans, onions are very toxic to cats. The follow ing is a list of foods that cats should never eat: Onions, Garlic, & Related Root Vegetables Onions contain a substance (N-propyl disulphide) which destroys red blood cells in the cat, causing a form of anemia called Heinz body anemia. Garlic contains a similar substance in a lesser amount.<br><br> Tom atoes, Green (raw Potatoes) These foods are members of the Solanaceae family of plants, which includes the Deadly Nightshade, and contain a bitter, poisonous alkaloid called Glycoalkaloid Solanine, which can cause violent lower gastrointestinal symptoms. The Feline Future web site offers a rare description of a cat which was close to death from ingesting just one cherry tomato http://www.felinefuture.com/nutrition/tomato.php Chocolate It's becoming more widely known that chocolate is very toxic to both cats and dogs. Theobromine is the offending substance here.<br><br> Janet Tobiassen Crosby, D.V.M. has an excellent article on the symptoms, effects, and treatment of chocolate toxicity http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/nutritiondogs/a/chocolatetoxici.htm Grapes and Raisins These foods' toxicity has only recently been discovered, and although the only studies have been with dogs, it is also believed that these fruits may also affect cats adversely. For more information see the ASPCA Poison Control Center article, The Wrath of Grapes http://www.aspca.org/site/DocServer/grapes.pdf?docID= 189 Milk Although milk is not toxic to cats, it may have adverse effects.<br><br> Simply put, adult cats fed a nutritious diet don't need milk, and many cats are lactose-intolerant, which means that the lactose in milk and milk products produces stomach upset, cramps, and gassiness. If your cat loves milk, and begs for it, a small amount of cream may be okay, two or three times a week. (The more fat in the milk, the less lactose.) Another compromise is CatSip, a product made from skim milk with an enzyme added that helps the digestion of lactose.<br><br> Com m on Meanings of Cat Behavior A lot of people think that cats work on their own agenda, not paying much attention to their owner 3 provided they have clean litter, food, and water. Cats can behave in odd manners at times, which can easily confuse their owners and make it really hard to determine what the cat wants. As much as cat behavior can be confusing, there are some ways that you can solve common cat behavior mysteries.<br><br> A common behavior that almost all cats do is push their heads into any type of object that will allow them to do it. You 9ve probably seen your cat do this before, probably against table legs, TV stands, or another object. This can be noticed more when you have other people who own animals or those with allergies over at your house.<br><br> When a cat notices this, he will rub his head against the person. In doing so, he will put a touch of saliva on the individual. In a cat 9s mind, he owns what he puts his saliva on.<br><br> By putting his saliva on something, that object or person will have a familiar scent. Although this can be very annoying, you have to understand that other people in your home are seen as odd or weird to your cat. When a cat does this, he is simply trying to make the visitor belong.<br><br> When he brushes up against them and puts his saliva on them, he is trying to put his scent on them 3 which in his mind will mean that they belong in his territory. Even though marking someone or something with saliva is beneficial to the cat, saliva is one of the most common forms of pet allergies. When someone wipes the saliva off of them, the scent will be gone and the cat will go back and attempt to do it again.<br><br> Even though it may appear that cats target those with allergies, cats are actually just trying to make the visitor belong at the house. If the guest simply cannot take the saliva, allow the cat to rub himself on their pants leg a few times. Normally, this is all takes for a cat to leave the person alone.<br><br> Those of you who an indoor cat should expect the cat to spend quite a bit of time lying near windows. During this time, you may hear your cat make very strange clicking noises or weird movements. You shouldn 9t fear though, as he is simply acting out his hunting instincts.<br><br> Whether it 9s another cat or object outside moving about, the cat will see it and simply go into his native hunting instinct. As most already know, cats love to play. They love to played with, especially with toys.<br><br> They will pounce on things on occasion, which should always be expected. If you try to prevent this type of behavior, your cat will take a very negative approach and you 9ll end up with a lot of broken things in your home. You can always play with your cat using a string, as he will love to chase the string around the room.<br><br> The longer you own your cat, the more odd behavior you 9ll see him exhibit. Cats behave in strange ways, although they always have a reason for behaving the way they do. If you can understand why your cat behaves like he does, you 9ll have no problems keeping him healthy and happy.<br><br> If you simply pay attention to your cat and the way he behaves at times 3 you 9ll be able to understand him better than ever before. Cats Can Behave: A Cat Behavior Training Crash Course There is more to cats than the cuddly and lovable pets who purr on one corner of the house. At times, they can be a menace to housekeeping too.<br><br> Scratches in furniture, broken ornaments, and ruined stockings are just a few things that misbehaving cats can do. There are reasons why cats misbehave. And by knowing these reasons, cat owners can be capable of controlling their pets' actions.<br><br> Here are some things about cats which cause misbehaviors together with tips on how to make them behave. - Cats m isbehave w hen they are bored. Cats that don 9t have much to do, have no choice but to do obnoxious things.<br><br> They may be looking for attention, or they just needed something to do to spend their energy. Whatever the case may be, these can be solved by allotting time for your cat to play with you. However, do not do this immediately after your cat misbehaved.<br><br> Your cat will associate its misbehavior with you giving it more attention. - Cats are naturally nocturnal anim als. Cats are more active during nighttime.<br><br> They can do more exciting activities by that time. With this in mind, make your cat busy in the morning. By doing this, the cat will be too exhausted to do things when it is time for his owners to sleep.<br><br> -Cats m isbehave w hen they are sexually-driven. Expect misbehavior when cats feel that it is time to mate. Expect a lot of misbehavior for cats who are confined inside their homes when it happens!<br><br> Surgical procedures can be done to prevent misbehaviors caused by sexual urges. Female cats can undergo spaying; male cats can undergo neutering. - Cats m isinterpret ow ners' reaction to its m isbehavior.<br><br> Owners usually get mad when their pets misbehave. But they are vague in telling their pets that they are mad. When owners reprimand their pets for misbehaving, cats think that their owners just want to play with them.<br><br> Owners must be clear with their reactions. If their pets misbehave, owners would make it clear that it is a punishment and not a game. Remember that cats seek reward.<br><br> They avoid punishment. Do not make misbehaving enjoyable to your cat by giving it a lot of attention when it happens. By associating punishment for misbehaving cats learn what should not be done.<br><br> -Cats enjoy playing w ith certain things in the house. There are things that cats love. It may be a curtain, or a pillow.<br><br> The good thing is they hate certain smells too. Spray unpleasant smells on those things to keep cats away. For instance, Citrus Oil is supposed to be a deterrent odour for cats.<br><br> I f the Bribe is Right: Tips on Cat Training and Bribery Cat and owner relationship is a complicated thing. To give a statement on how it will go is more complicated. But for someone who knows how to use bribery to his advantage, he can sum it up in a statement: Cats love rewards the same way that cat owners love obedient pets.<br><br> Using the "bribe" method is not as easy as just giving rewards to pets. It cannot be contested that bribery has a lot of things to offer to trainers. But certain principles must be employed.<br><br> A systematic program must be adopted to achieve maximum effectiveness. Here are some thoughts to consider in training cats using the "bribe" method. 1.<br><br> Cats are rew ards seeking, punishm ent fearing creatures. Cats will only do things that they find enjoyable and satisfying to do. If trainers want them to do something that they find pleasing, they will be more than willing to do so if the "bribe is right," so to speak.<br><br> 2. Cats associate their actions w ith consequences. Cats learn through experiences.<br><br> They behave based on what they recall. Let us take these two cases to further explain this concept: - Trainer A uses force whenever he sees his cat defecating in the wrong places. He shouts at the cat, telling it to defecate in the assigned area.<br><br> He then presses its butt on the litter box. He has done this routine a lot of times, but his cat never learned. - Trainer B rubbed his cat's belly when it misbehaved.<br><br> The cat did stop misbehaving in that instance. However, Trainer B observed that his cat misbehaves more often than before. Because cats associate their actions to the consequences, the trainers in both situations did not achieve their desired result.<br><br> This failure can be associated with the use of wrong tactics to motivate the cats. Employing the "bribe" method will be more effective in this situation. Just remember that cats seek rewards.<br><br> 3. System atic training w ill do the trick. Trainers must design their training programs.<br><br> The program depends on their cats' attitude. Things to be included in the program are the specific tasks that the trainers want their cats to do and the corresponding rewards. This method will deliver the results that you want only if you stick to the program that you did.<br><br> Consistency is a key factor at this stage. Caring For Your Cat's Health Just like humans, cats feel miserable when they are sick. As a pet owner, it is your primary responsibility to keep your feline friends healthy and happy.<br><br> With proper care and nutrition you will have a friend for life in the form of your pet cat. Here are some tips on how you can properly care for your cat's health: 1. Feed them properly.<br><br> Every cat has a preference when it comes to food. There are several types of cat food available in the market. Try each one until you find out which variety your cat prefers.<br><br> However, you can still try to mix the variety of cat food you prepare so that your pet will have a nutritious and balanced diet. Commercial cat foods have been well- researched so you do not need to worry about the nutritional value of what you are feeding your pet. Also, supply your pet with a lot of clean water to drink.<br><br> Having an ample supply of drinking water will lead to a healthier animal. It does not matter if you serve dry, canned or moist cat food. Just make sure that you preserve the freshness of the food that they eat.<br><br> You would also want to opt for a healthy and natural cat food. Remember that it should be made of quality ingredients. 2.<br><br> Rem em ber that even dom estic cats are natural hunters. Mice can serve two purposes in your cat's life: prey and dinner. Hunting for mice would preserve their natural abilities to hunt and seek prey.<br><br> If you decide that you do not like the idea of your cat regularly "hunting" for dinner, make sure that you provide them with a proper diet. This will result to your cat ending up just chasing and running after their prey for satisfying their natural hunting urges. 3.<br><br> Watch out for unusual behavior. If your pet is exhibiting unusual behavior, then the cat might not be at its best condition. Try to look out for the following symptoms: - being lethargic or less active than usual - shedding of the fur or coat - it has waxy ears - looks poor and unhealthy If you see these symptoms, you might want to change the food that you are serving your cat.<br><br> Better yet, consult a professional if you see your pet being less active than usual. Your pet might have a sickness or disease, and as a pet owner and cat lover, you would not want that to happen. Com m on Health Problem s of Cats If you are new to owning a cat, you may be surprised to find that health problems are a common thing.<br><br> No matter what breed of cat you own, health problems are to be expected. Some may be hereditary, while others can easily be prevented. Worm s No matter what breed of cat it may be, worms are a very common and recurring problem.<br><br> Tapeworms, roundworms, and hookworms are among the most common that infect cats. Cats who have problems gaining weight, problems with fleas, or if you find white specks in his stool, you should have your vet test him for worms. Although they can be treated with medicine, worms can prove to be fatal if they are left untreated.<br><br> Hairball Hairballs are the most common health problem for cats. All cats groom themselves on a daily basis, normally swallowing the loose hair that comes from their coats. On occasion, this loose hair will gather into a ball and become lodged in the digestive tract instead of passing through in your cat 9s stool.<br><br> When your cat starts to cough and hack, he is normally coughing up a hairball. Although it can be rather disgusting in the end, most cats can dislodge hairballs without any problems. In rare cases, a hairball can pass through to a cat 9s intestine, creating a blockage.<br><br> Blockages are very serious problems, and can be life threatening if they aren 9t treated. If your cat becomes constipated, isn 9t eating properly, or has a very dull coat, he could have a blockage. If you notice any of these symptoms, you should take him to the vet immediately.<br><br> You can prevent hairballs and blockages by brushing your cat 2 3 3 times a week to remove loose hair. You can also feed him food that is designed to control hairballs as well. Urinary tract infection Urinary tract infection is also a common health problem with cats.<br><br> Urinary tract infection is more common with male cats that haven 9t been neutered, although females can suffer from this problem as well. When a cat suddenly stops going to his litter box, this problem is normally the cause. Another symptom is when the cat 9s urine starts to smell really strong.<br><br> If you suspect that your cat has a urinary tract infection, you should take him to the vet. Your vet can treat the problem with medicine, and make recommendations to help avoid this problem in the future. Feline leukem ia In the past, feline leukemia was the biggest cause of death in cats.<br><br> These days however, there are vaccines available that can treat the disease. To treat the disease, your cat will need to be given the shot before he or she is exposed. Even though death doesn 9t happen immediately, cats that are exposed to feline leukemia normally don 9t have a long life span.<br><br> If you know your cat has feline leukemia, you should never allow other cats around him, as the virus is highly contagious. To protect your cat, you should always make sure that you take him to the vet for his regular check ups. If you keep him up to date on his vaccinations, he should lead a healthy and productive life.<br><br> Although some health problems can 9t be avoided, most of them can. You can also keep your cat indoors as well, which will protect him from a majority of health problems. If your cat is an outdoor cat, regular visits to the vet will keep him healthy.<br><br> As long as you take your cat to the vet and keep him healthy 3 he will be your companion for years to come. By follow ing these tips, you should have a healthy cat and be a contented ow ner. Rules for Non-Pet Ow ners Who Visit and Like to Com plain About Our Pets 1.<br><br> They live here. You don't. 2.<br><br> I f you don't w ant their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's w hy they call it " fur" niture. 3.<br><br> I like m y pets a lot better than I like m ost people. 4. To you, they are anim als.<br><br> To m e, they are adopted children w ho are short, hairy and w alk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they com m unicate extrem ely w ell. 5.<br><br> Dogs and cats are better than kids: They eat less, don't ask for m oney all the tim e, are easier to train, usually com e w hen called (this does not apply to cats), NEVER drive your car, don't hang out w ith drug-using friends, don't sm oke or drink, don't w orry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't w ear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. If you enjoyed this book you might like my mini-ebooks from some classic Power Point presentations I found. Get the latest additions to our free self help book collection 3 with these inspirational & humorous powerpoint presentations that have been converted to .pdf book downloads, to make it even easier to share, and also to print up your own personal copies of the best quotes and illustrations you will find here.<br><br> ENJOY! 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